}

Friday, June 30, 2017

The Last Round

This blog has been pretty quiet since Weston was born. Mainly, I just don't have the time or energy to actually sit...in silence...with my own thoughts without being asked a hundred thousand times for a snack or to open a granola bar. If I even attempted this post while the kids were awake, it would be completely incoherent and not worth anyones time to read. But I miss it. I miss sharing my thoughts and feelings and stories to look back on, so I'm going to attempt to post a lot more. A lot = more than once every three months. So if I post twice in the next three months, we're on the right path ;)

So Weston is almost three months old. I'm working on a 0-3 Month post all about him and how we've been doing and transitioning, so be on the lookout. Hopefully it'll be posted at some point before the end of the year. But to sum it up quickly, it's been the fastest three months ever and man that boy melts my heart in ways only a little boy could do to a momma's heart. It's hard to explain, really, and not that I love him any more or better than I do my girls, but it's just....different. 

Kyle and I had always said this would be our last baby. It also helped that our last baby was a boy, so the idea of having a fourth kind of went out the window. But there's something so final and depressing about knowing this is it. That all these phases of life with a newborn will come and go, and will never come again for us. And I know I'm going to miss it. Heck, I already miss his freshly newborn phase and he's not even three months old yet.  
Maybe it's because I know that this will be our last baby that I feel this extreme bond with him. Maybe it's because I know this is the last baby I will smell the fresh scent of baby lotion on.
Maybe it's because I know this will be the last child I ever have in diapers.
Maybe it's because I know, more than anything, that he's going to be a momma's boy and it has my heart in a puddle every single day.

Time right now, and probably postpartum hormones, just have me so sappy about life these days. I just want it all to slow down! My kids are all getting bigger every single day and it's like I blink, and another week has already happened. And another month has come. I feel like I haven't been able to soak in nearly as much of my kids as I want. And that I need. Kinsley is almost 5, and is about to start KINDERGARTEN! Rylan is almost 2.5 and is talking and learning so much and it's like I look at her and wonder when did this all happen? I'm trying so very, very hard to hold on to every ounce of Weston that I can. The memories of cuddling him after he falls asleep at night. The way he smiles at me the second he gets in the bathtub. The serious looks he gives practically everyone. 

I just love every single thing about that kid. Like I do with all three of them. But listen up, Weston, mommy is going to hang on to every thing I can of you for as long as I can. Because I'm not ready to give any of it up! Or, maybe, ever! And while this is the last round of kids for us, my last baby to nurse, change diapers and learn all the "first moments" with again, it makes the whole growing up thing hurt even more. So hopefully in the next 13-17 years they figure out a way for moms to go to college with their kids and it be cool, or else I'm going to have three very disappointed kids! #stagefourclinger

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