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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Hardest Day Of My Life

Oh baby, 

Words can't even explain how terribly sorry I am. I keep replaying those few minutes over and over again before Marley, our dog, attacked you and your pretty little face. You were supposed to be in quiet time, but shortly came out twirling your hair, holding your Disney Princess Barbie's, strutting through the kitchen like a total Diva. I had just sat down on the couch to write a blog about daddy's heart surgery, something I had been putting off for over a month. After I was done, I was going to get my camera out to take Rylan's 11 month pictures, and then we were going to go to your favorite place in the world: TARGET! But as I had just sat down, you asked me "mommy, wanna play with my Barbie's?" I said no, not right now. Maybe in a minute? (My common reply to you, unfortunately). Then you asked me "mommy, wanna play with my puzzles??" I gave you the same reply without even blinking an eye. Because that blog post was just so much more important than you :( You wandered into our office where daddy was, singing to your Barbies like you always do. A sound so sweet, so loving, so beautiful... Daddy told you to go back in the other room, where I was, so you wouldn't wake up Rylan. You did, and saw Marley laying in his bed. So you went over to him, squatted down, placed your Belle Barbie down by him, I looked back to my computer...and that's when I heard it. The growling. The snapping. The teeth. Within a second, he snapped. And he snapped at you. I jumped off of the couch, ran to you and saw the blood. Daddy came running, and took you. And I lost it. I was screaming at the top of my lungs at Marley. I was in total and complete shock. 

Daddy took you to our bathroom to figure out what all was cut, where all the blood was coming from, and if we needed to go to the hospital. Thank goodness for daddy! Because mommy was a mess! It was sheer panic in our house during those moments. We agreed he would take you to the hospital, I frantically called Chooch to come watch Rylan, and I would meet you there. 

The drive was awful for mommy. I sobbed in ways I didn't know I could. I felt absolutely awful, and 100% responsible for what just happened to you. What if I had just sat down and played with her? How hard would that have been, huh?? None of this would have happened had I just put that stupid laptop down! I was beating myself up, and my heart broke off a little tiny piece for you that day. I made it to the hospital, and lost it again after taking one look at you. It was bad. But you...oh baby girl, you were amazing! I've never met a girl more brave than you. You definitely get that trait from your daddy. It was a very long day, and after being at one hospital for almost 4 hours, we were transferred to another hospital, the one you were born at and daddy had his heart fixed at, by ambulance. You were such a brave girl as they strapped you onto a stretcher, and took you in the "DocMobile". Daddy went with you in the "DocMobile", and I drove daddy's truck to the other hospital. 

We got you settled into your own pediatric room. The nurses and doctors and staff were amazing, and tried to make you as comfortable as possible as we waited for x-rays and word on what they would have to do to fix you. You had to get your very first IV, which you were SUCH a trooper for. You and daddy went to get x-rays of your face to make sure no dog teeth were in your face. We met your pediatric ophthalmologist, who informed us what type of surgery you would need. We waited a while, but around 7:45 they gave you sedation to begin your surgery to fix your eyelid. Mommy and daddy watched as your little body went limp and frail. It was a sight I never want to see again, and we spent a lot of time crying while we waited for you. Around 9:00pm, the ophthalmologist came out to inform us that your eyelid was severely lacerated, and the surgery was a lot more detailed and involved than they had anticipated. There was a lot of mangled tissue, and your tear duct was like a "star", little bits of tissue going in all directions. The doctor had to insert a clear tube into your tear duct, to try and stabilize and create a new one, as well as suture the tissue back together. The pediatric doctor was still working on you, examining how deep and how severe your other cuts were. She had to give you two stitches in your lip, but the other cuts didn't need any. 

Mommy and daddy came to your bed as soon as we could. We sat there and waited for you to wake up, but it took you a really long time. The doctors told us you were a fighter, and they had to give you extra sleepy medicine because you were fighting going to sleep with them. They also said you were licking the salty solution, Saline, like it was a chocolate chip cookie! Hey...you love some salty things! Around 10:30 you finally woke up. It was pitiful, you were so confused, and scared, and tired. Shortly after that we were able to take you home, and get you in mommy and daddy's bed. 

With a list of medicines and steps to take, we are beyond thankful that what happened to you wasn't any worse than it was. Mommy and daddy's hearts shattered that day, and we went through a lot. But you were so brave. Even with blood on your face, and a mangled eyelid, you were smiling and being the sweet you that you are. I love you. I just absolutely love you. You are one of my absolute favorite people in this world. You have been through so, so much already in your short 3 years...but this one, this one hurt me the most. Because as happy as we are that you were able to get fixed, we had a really hard decision to make when it came to Marley. 

Marley is the best dog. He was your best friend. You would feed him, and give him treats, and take him out every single morning. You would get mad if one of us went without you. You would walk him on his leash on our patio. You would hug him, love him, and try and ride him like a pony all the time! He let you do whatever you wanted to him. I never thought in a million years he would ever hurt you or your sister. But he did. And he did very badly. And as much as mommy and daddy wanted to justify it, or find some excuse for it, or make it "ok" for him...we couldn't. He attacked, and even if he never did it again, I couldn't risk that trauma for you girls again. Your life was more important. But that didn't make it any easier. 

Daddy loved Marley, too. He was his best friend. From the day we got him right after our wedding, to now..he was always with daddy, waiting for daddy, looking out the window for daddy, loving on daddy, playing with him. As much as I wanted Marley to be "my dog", he was daddy's. And nobody could compare to daddy in his eyes. Everyone always made fun of his silly, short cut tail. And he always got complemented on how cool of a dog he looked like. And he is. It was just a freak accident, where he got startled and scared, and lashed out. He is so loving, and sweet and never wants to leave your side. But unfortunately, we have to find him a new home to live, as hard as it is for all of us. 

You are going to be ok. We ALL are going to be ok. And your pretty face will look beautiful again, soon! 

I love you more than you will ever know. You're my big brave girl! 


Mommy 

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